This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
