While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
