Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
