I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
