im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
