My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
