if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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