Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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