allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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