Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
