I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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