Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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