Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
