heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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