i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
