I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
