help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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