TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
