I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
