R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
