Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
