Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
