I wish I could punch you in the face.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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