Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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