**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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