Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
