i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
