STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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