Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how do flat chested girls get laid?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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