My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
