STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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