he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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