Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
