Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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