I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
