got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
