I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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