Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
