I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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