Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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