if only i could text you this smell
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
