The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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