Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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