She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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