try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
