is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
