i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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