We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
