I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
