Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
