Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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