He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
