U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
