just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
