This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
