So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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