Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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