her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
