Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
