dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
