i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize