this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You can't special order awesome
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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