Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
