my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
