He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it glows. i had to have it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
