Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
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I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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