you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
