so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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