hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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