My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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