I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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